my heart was racing, my mind was screaming.

well, i knew that this whole 'me being happy with life' was going to end sometime.
and of course it has.
i'm going to germany in like two weeks. i think i should be more excited about it,
but i'm not even that excited. i just really want to get the fuck out of here.

i'm actually so sick of everything at the moment.
i'm sick of school, the fact that i have to wake up at 7 and get there and be there for six hours, then go home and do like another six hours worth of homework. i imagine school to be the equivelant of hell. or something along those lines.
i'm so sick of friends and people in general, it used to be at least i'll see someone at school, not even that anymore. i'm so over it, their racist jokes; the only reason you make those jokes are because i don't fit your fucking stereotype. get the fuck over it because i do actually get sick of all that bullshit. i'm so annoyed at the fact that they can be so immature, the fact that everything has to revolve around them, i may be a good liar and be able to put on that fake smile but did you ever stop to ask how i was? and maybe see through the lie and realise that i'm screaming out for help and no one seems to care. and of course i'm 'the bad guy' just because i'm not afraid to speak my mind.
i don't care anymore, if i have something to say, i'll say it.
i miss how easy everything was, i wish i still had some of the friendships i had back then.
i wish i could choose family.
nothing ever seems good enough, no matter what i do or how hard i try.
it's never enough.
i'm never going to be good enough for them.
i give up.

i just want to start over fresh.
i want a new place.
i want new friends.
i want a new me.