happy holidays, you bastard.

It's christmas day and I find myself locked in my room watching the it crowd and one tree hill all day.
So, my brother came over today with a birthday and christmas present.
It's always better late than never.
Having dinner and cooking with the famz soon.
For once, I find myself actually thinking Christmas is okay.

I've been spending time with Shanti again and it feels so good.
This year i've had my share of ups and downs.
I've lost friendships that I thought could last a lifetime.
I've failed things, i've succeeded at others.
Katy Perry has got it right.
I change my mind, like a girl changes clothes.
Somedays, everything will be great and the next, i couldn't hate life more.

Anyway, today, i've come to the realisation that I don't have friends.
I have three best friends. They're more than enough.
As crappy as this year has been and as many regrets that I have. I'm glad i've gone through this year.
I've learnt so much, I know who the people that matter to me are.
And there are many more I don't care about, but at least I can recognise them now.
I think i've changed over this past year.
Some of me for the better, some of me not so.
However, I'm content.

This year, may have been one of the worst years of my life but I find myself enjoying the last moments of it.

fuck.

friends.
family.
the human race.

goodbye gravity, welcome change.

wow. year eleven is fucking over. and it's about fucking time.
last exam today, i've failed but i don't care.
it's over... well, for now.
i'm so sick of stressing over stupid assignments and friggin exams.
i was pretty much on the verge of exploding.
one more year of hell and i'm completely over it.
i cannot wait.

so, 2009, you've been completely shit.
i've made so many mistakes this year, so much i can't fix.
i've given up on so much in my life, i wish i was more optimisitic.
i barely have friends anymore.
i don't seem to care about people anymore and people don't care about me anymore.
or at least don't have time in their busy busy schedules to fit me in.
i guess that's life though.
people come and go, all you can really do is rely on yourself.
but i guess, if you don't depend on people you have a less likely chance of getting hurt.
and i'm sick of getting hurt.

although, over these past few weeks, i seem to start picking up the pieces of my life that i still care about up and fixing them.
i miss my old friendships and how easily happy i was.
i'm talking to people i haven't spoken to in months.
i never thought things could go back to the way they used to, but i'm trying and it's getting there.
it's strange how quickly and how close i can get with people.
i don't talk feelings with anyone but for some reason, with him, i can.
i'm glad i have someone at school who i still care about.
and it's funny how little time it takes for you to stop caring about the ones that once meant the world to you.
it's okay, i'm over it. you don't have to worry about me anymore.
please, go on with your precious lives. i don't mind.

thankyou, to the like threee friends i do have. try not to screw me over. that'd be really nice.

hello 2010, please be majestic.
i'm begging you.

himynameisanna.

- i'm short, fat and ugly.
- i currently should be studying for my maths test.
- i'm not very intelligent.
- i often fear that i'm going to get no where in my future.
- i have my ups and downs far too often.
- i hate highschool.
- i hate working.
- i always want more money.
- i wish i had a super adorable boyfriend.
- i am forever greatful that i met jessica klaebe on august 4th 2007. she means the world to me.
- the academy is... really are the greatest band.
- i miss germany.
- i want to be fluent in german and live there one day.
- i want to travel all over the world.
- i really hope in 2013 i go to america with jessica and chanelle.
- i dislike my family a lot, but at the end of the day, very deep down, i do love them.
- i can't wait to finish highschool. i'm not going to miss it.
- i miss being really close with lydia.
- i enjoy the fact that i'm still receiving birthday presents.
- i'm listening to a rocket to the moon right now. :)
- i am angry like all the time.
- i generally don't have the patience or tolerance to deal with the human race.
- i don't trust anyone.
- i always listen to everyone's troubles, but never tell my own.
- i wish i bothered to hang out with shanti and timothea more often.
- never do my homework.
- it actually scares me how much i don't care about my schoolwork.
- i am on facebook way too often.
- i really wish i was still living with my german family.
- my suitcase is still in my room and it's a mess.
- i find it annoying that some of my family and closest friends didn't bother to get me a birthday present.
- i have two major english essays which i haven't started, nor read the book for.
- i wish i felt comfortable enough with myself to wear tops/dresses without cardigans.
- i'm too scared to drive but it would be really helpful if i were on my p's.
- i like sitting with chris and jack at recess and lunch time instead of with that huge group.
- i have the most fun with jessica and our sing-a-longs and cruisin' on ze weekends.
- i'm sick of scene kids going indie all of a sudden. you're lame.
- i drink lots of water everyday.
- i wish very badly that i was tall, pretty and skinny. i would probably have a boyfriend by now.
- i love photos.
- i love slow, acoustic or sad songs way too much.
- i think this is long enough. i should study for my maths test. i'll bet i will be on facebook in less than 30 seconds.

hello germany.

Wow, it's so strange to think that for the past two weeks i've been in Germany.
Travelling is actually exactly what i needed, life was a major mess when i left.
I'm glad i left, it my opportunity to get away, it was my escape from life, from friends, from family.
Even though, i wasn't looking forward to returning home, it's always nice to have your friends welcome you home at the airport with a huge welcome home sign in their hands.
Jessica and Chanelle really do make me happy, weekends spent with them are always the best.
I don't even think Jessica could possibly realise how much she means to me.
I really do sometimes feel like i have the greatest friends anyone could ever ask for.

Anyway, i didn't realise how much i would miss Germany and the people i met there.
It's the strangest thing, knowing some people for just five days but being so close and still remaining in contact. i miss them so much. I know have my very own german family, who are the greatest bunch of people.
I would love to go back sometime soon, or just travel somewhere else. anywhere else.
It's so different, it's so fun and you really can learn so much.
I mean, i did go to oktoberfest, so that was one hell of an experience, haa.
I reckon saying i spent my seventeenth birthday in Germany has a pretty good ring to it too.
Gosh, I miss it so much.

I'm glad i went and had the experiences i had. I think coming back here now, things are better.
I just needed time off, a break from everything here and that's exactly what i got.
I'm finally content with my life once again.

my heart was racing, my mind was screaming.

well, i knew that this whole 'me being happy with life' was going to end sometime.
and of course it has.
i'm going to germany in like two weeks. i think i should be more excited about it,
but i'm not even that excited. i just really want to get the fuck out of here.

i'm actually so sick of everything at the moment.
i'm sick of school, the fact that i have to wake up at 7 and get there and be there for six hours, then go home and do like another six hours worth of homework. i imagine school to be the equivelant of hell. or something along those lines.
i'm so sick of friends and people in general, it used to be at least i'll see someone at school, not even that anymore. i'm so over it, their racist jokes; the only reason you make those jokes are because i don't fit your fucking stereotype. get the fuck over it because i do actually get sick of all that bullshit. i'm so annoyed at the fact that they can be so immature, the fact that everything has to revolve around them, i may be a good liar and be able to put on that fake smile but did you ever stop to ask how i was? and maybe see through the lie and realise that i'm screaming out for help and no one seems to care. and of course i'm 'the bad guy' just because i'm not afraid to speak my mind.
i don't care anymore, if i have something to say, i'll say it.
i miss how easy everything was, i wish i still had some of the friendships i had back then.
i wish i could choose family.
nothing ever seems good enough, no matter what i do or how hard i try.
it's never enough.
i'm never going to be good enough for them.
i give up.

i just want to start over fresh.
i want a new place.
i want new friends.
i want a new me.

beware! cougar!

I really don't know what it has been lately but i've been in the greatest mood since like Friday.

I think i'm really starting to realise who my friends are and who i want in my life.

I know that none of them even have a clue how much they mean to me, but there are those select few who i would do anything for.

They truly make me day.

Jessica is also super amazing for getting me that photo on Sunday night.

The Academy Is (L)