i hate hartley.

seems like forever, like forever...
since i tore myself apart.
and left my friends in the wake
of countless tears, and fading life;
when i couldn't seem to grasp the life i lead and the lives i touch.

it's one year on now.
one year on, one year on...
still i struggle with the same demons.

i shed as i laid there lost in my head.
lost in this god damn hospital bed.
i'm not the same girl,
and i don't dare try.
try to uncover all the darkness i hide.

it's like my demons are my lovers...
but i've got friends by my side,
i've got hope in my eyes,
and dreams to aspire to and the whole wide world to watch below.

and death won't be my lover,
i've got so much left to give.
i'll take my life with subtle steps,
instead of not wanting all that is left.

instead of trying to take my own life...
it's one year on and i am stronger.
i want to live much longer,
not grow old and bitter and not jaded and hate what life gave me.

and let the fear wash away,
let the demons blunt their claws on a life that's full of mistakes,
but always searching for much more.

i won't die defeated.
cause i've got friends by my side,
i've got hope in my eyes,
and dreams to aspire to and the whole wide world to watch below.

and death won't be my lover,
i've got so much left to give.
and take my life with subtle steps,
instead of not wanting all that is left.

youngbloods.

Procrastination: If it were an occupation, fuck, i'd be damn good at it!
Instead of doing the very many things i'm supposed to be doing, i spend my time painting nail designs.
I've failed my exams and behind by at least two assignments in every single subject I do.
I should be worried or upset about this, but I find myself not giving a damn.
Instead, i've never been more content with my life and the people in it.
I'll say, its been a good month.
June, you have treated me well. Thankyou :)

happiness.

is being with your friends, being creepy and stalking your crush. :)

sometimes, life r00lz.

just breathe.

stressedstressedstressed.

i wish i cared more about what the shit that happens around me.
i wish i could fix everything.
i wish for a million other wishes and for all of them to come true.

brontebrontebronte, she is keeping me sane. bestfraannnnn (L)

heartless at best.

oh my god. i hate my life.

memories that fade like photographs.

looking through old photos of the past five years.
i miss old jokes, friends and good times.

tired and uninspired.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

i must stop making people my priority,
when i am only their option.

the heartless control everything.

My eyes are glistening with the ghosts of my past.
The memories that we once had.

Now that you've turned the world against me.
I'm only trying to win them back.

With my eyes sewn shut.
To shut down and bathe in these words about me.
And now you're standing alone with your eyes to the sun.
Standing alone with your eyes to the sun.

That heaven and earth may strike their sounds together.
Worlds are ruined this way,
And we've all been there time and time again.

Before the battle always seem so still.
And I will see you someday again in the clouds.
And I will see you someday again in the clouds.

All the world's a stage.
And all the world's a stage.

With my eyes sewn shut.
To shut down and bathe in these words about me.
And now you're standing alone with your eyes to the sun.
Standing alone with your eyes to the sun.

That heaven and earth may strike their sounds together.
Worlds are ruined this way,
And we've all been there time and time again

Time.

My eyes are glistening with the ghosts of my past.
And what we once had.

And all the world's a stage
I existed because I dreamed.
And well, I dream no more.
I've given up on the entire human race.


Empty, is the sky before the sun wakes up.
Empty, is the eyes of animals in cages.
Empty, the faces of women in mourning, when everything has been taken from them.

Me?
Don't ask me about empty.

invisible.

you just see right through me, but if you only knew me.

i need some new friends and some decent people in my life.
that would be really quite lovely right now.

holiday.

heckyes.

entertainment.

all we are is entertainment.
caught up in our own derangement.
tell us what to say and what to do.
all we are, are pretty faces.
picture perfect bottled rage.
packaged synthesized versions of you.

dizzy.

so, saturday night. i saw jimmy eat world.
it was incredible. i really love friendly drunk men that sing along to jimmy eat world with me when i'm alone. :)

it was a grand day, but i got sunburnt. it hurt like a bitch.
especially because i'm not used to sunburn pain.
i didn't get any photos from this soundwave though, i really wish i did though.
i just couldn't be bothered getting my camera out to take any photos.
but now i have folders of photos on my computer of soundwave 08 and 09 but not 10. :(

i got my L's last thursday, it's about time too. i've been seventeen for about over 4 months. :/
everything in life has been pretty content, as of late.

although, i am pretty behind on all my school work and failing some things at the moment.
probably not a great sign, as i am in year twelve.
i really wish i had motivation to do well or at least complete my work.
i really don't though.
oh, what i'd give for motivation.

well, actually. what i'd give for this school year to be over.
never have to go back to that place again, never have to see those people ever again.
it'll be beautiful.

behind closed doors

so, i'm really digging the rise against right now.
pretty much, favourite band.

i should really revise for my maths test tomorrow.
and probably finish the chapter i'm on, so i know what i'm doing.

i need a new job.

what's up, lonely.

the strangest feeling.
having everyone around you, but feeling so lonely.

i miss my old friendships, i thought it'd be easy.
it's not.
i hate crying, i hate breaking down.
i hate this feeling.

i want everything i had back.